Grace (from the archives, Summer 2008)

Great is your faithfulness, oh God;
You wrestle with the sinner’s heart,
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me (excerpt of a song by Chris Tomlin)

Some of you know, and many of you do not, that I have been in a battle for the last three weeks for my vision. I have had a double eye infection that traveled into my sinuses and lymph nodes. The infection resisted the first medication, and I am still waiting to see if it will respond to the second medication. I struggle most at night with dryness, burning, and a wandering eye that is difficult to focus. Throughout this process, I have been praying specifically, “Lord, you have allowed my eyes to become sick. What is it that you want me to see?” He blessed me with an answer, but it has been a difficult and thought-provoking one to process. It has left me humbled, vulnerable, and thankful for His love in a new way that I don’t think I would have experienced, had my vision not been affected.

Many of you have probably heard and may have been posed the philosophical question, “Which would you rather be…deaf or blind?” I had this conversation last weekend with a good friend. He said that he couldn’t imagine a life without hearing music, and said he would prefer to be blind. He seemed surprised to hear that, given my life which has been steeped in music, that I would prefer my sight to my hearing. To some degree, this is a pointless conversation to have because if you are neither, you really don’t understand the ramifications of what it means to be blind or deaf. Your answer might be different if you had either sense and then lost it, or if you began life without one. I didn’t sleep well that night, not because of the conversation, but because my eyes were giving me fits.

The next morning was Sunday, and I went to church with my family. My husband and I were on the worship team, and we sang the song by Chris Tomlin from which I have included an excerpt of the lyrics above. As I was singing the song and got to the chorus, I heard His voice clearly ask me, “Is My grace really enough for you?” I suddenly realized that the past three weeks of sleepless nights spent in earnest prayer was God wrestling with my heart. All I could hear during those nights was my voice pleading, “Lord, please, if it is your will, preserve my vision!” I never heard Him saying, “I hear you, but first I want to know….is my grace enough for you?” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized anew that my life is not my own, and that includes my vision. It is by grace that I have been saved, through faith, and this not of myself, it is a gift of God. By His grace and mercy, He chose to save me and granted me eternal life. Salvation is the only thing I really need. Eternal life with Christ should be enough.

After church, we went to lunch and then stopped at a park by the river. David took the kids down by the water to play, and I stayed in the car with the windows open, enjoying the cool breeze. I looked up at the canopy of trees over me, enjoying the different shades of green leaves with red fringes on them. I enjoyed watching the wind sway the branches back and forth. I closed my eyes and listened intently to the leaves rustle against each other.

The Lord started a conversation with me.
Is my grace sufficient…

During life’s minor inconvenience? Yes, Lord.
When you have been betrayed by a close friend? Yes, Lord.
When you have been under persecution at school or work? Yes, Lord.
During a life-threatening pregnancy? Yes, Lord.
When your children are seriously ill or injured? Yes, Lord.
Through financial difficulties? Yes, Lord.
When dealing with chronic pain? Yes, Lord.

OK, what if I were to remove your sight….would my grace still be sufficient?

(Gulp.)

I’ll admit I’m still working on that answer. I don’t take my answers to the Lord’s questions lightly. I know that they need to be genuine, because the only person I would fool with a disingenuous answer is myself, and that gets me nowhere. I so desperately want to have the strength to say, “Yes, Lord…if you removed my vision tomorrow for the rest of my life, it would be enough for me to know that I am saved and will spend eternity with you.” I continue to pray at night, but my prayers are different now. I’m praying for the kind of strength and the kind of faith that can honestly say, “Yes, Lord.”

Late last night my mom sent me an encouraging email. I hope that she doesn’t mind my including an excerpt from it here. It seemed so fitting and so inline with this lesson that God is trying to have me learn. I know that her words were directly from the Lord because I have not had a chance to share any of the above story with her.

“Remember when the Apostle Paul "besought the Lord three times to take away the thorn in his flesh"--whatever that was--perhaps his eyes. But the Lord's answer to him was "my grace is sufficient for you". So Paul's response was "therefore most gladly will I glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me." And in the 11th chapter of Hebrews, that great "Faith" chapter which lists Old Testament warrior after warrior who did this or that by faith...i.e."By faith Abraham left...not knowing..., "By faith Sarah when she was past age..., "By faith Gideon..., By faith Sampson..., and on and on---these are all examples of people whose prayers God DID answer in a powerful, positive way.

BUT then the rest of that chapter chronicles many people of strong faith whose experiences were not so great---those who were "sawn asunder", whose dead were NOT raised, and so on. Nevertheless THEIR faith is just as valid and as strong as those in the first group, and they were just as precious as people.”

The dictionary defines “sufficient” as “enough to meet the needs of a situation or proposed end.” What is my “situation?” I am a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. What is my “proposed end?” Eternal life in Jesus Christ, accomplished by His blood sacrifice on the cross.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I am learning that God’s grace IS sufficient in ALL things.

Is His grace sufficient for you?